Sexy sexy Lucius
by Soleiva Sitril
Summary: Lucius is the most sexy guy in the wizarding world, or isn't he? New! Chapter 2!
1. Sexy sexy Lucius

I think good looks aren't always a garanty of being sexy. Anyway, read and review.   
  
Ow, and Lucius Malfoy isn't mine, neither are Snape, Dumbledore, Hagrid and Ron. But the Lemondrops are mine. In fact, I have a big bag of Lemondrops to put into my stories.   
  
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Today is a good day for Lucius Malfoy. He looks at himself in the mirror and notices he is beautiful. Like allways. Every long, blond hair is in the right place. That was good. He practices his smirk just a little more. His smirk is good as well. Today would be a good day for Lucius Malfoy. He has some big plans. Because today he would take over the wizarding world.   
  
Lucius apparates to Hogsmeade where he was going to meet Severus Snape. Snape was going to help him to take over the world. Because Lucius needed a ugly sidekick, so his beauty would attract more attention.   
  
Lucius walkes over to the castle, his cloak fluttering in the wind, which was a pretty cool effect. Lucius knows that. He takes big steps, increasing the effect so he looks even more sexy than he allready did. Unfortunately for him, no one is there to see him look sexy, like he did. Only the people who are reading this fanfic. But they have to use their imagination. We just skip this part, we go to the part where Lucius walkes into the great hall. He could also just go to Snapes office and meet him over there but all those students around cause a much more dramatic effect.   
  
So Lucius walkes, no storms into the great hall. This causes all the girls, and some boys to drool. Draco wishes he could be just like his father. And now he stands right in the middle of the hall, as if he is the centre of the earth. A bright sunbeam shines down on him, is if he is sent from... somewhere. Maybe heaven. Well, he just stands there for a several minutes, showing the smirk he practiced, this morning, letting his eyes gaze over the professors. But then, oh horror. Snape isn't there...   
  
"Where is Snape!" Lucius now yells, his cheeks getting red.   
  
"Snape is..." Dumbledore starts.  
  
"I am here." Snape says. He lookes like he just ran 10 miles.   
  
Lucius turns around fast, causing the cool, "from heaven" effect to fade. "Where the hell were you, I was just standing there, looking cool and sexy, I even practiced my smirk" Lucius shows the smirk. Snape nods with understanding. This was Lucius' I-am-going-to-take-over-the-world-by-being-goddamn-sexy-and-you-are-going-to-help-me-with-that-by-being-my-ugly-sidekick-smirk. Snape sighes.  
  
"Why didn't you just come to my office immediatly?" he askes, which is a logical question.   
  
Lucius rolls his eyes, wondering why nobody understands him. "Because, you idiot, storming into this great hall, with all this students around, saying in my most sexy voice I am going to take over the world and telling you you are my ugly sidekick, causes a much more dramatic effect! Besides, I looked pretty sexy when I walked in."  
  
Everybody nods, in agree with Lucius, except Snape.   
  
"I am not ugly, you ass. I am sexy"  
  
"Yes you are. You are not and never will be able to look sexy!"  
  
"We'll see about that!" Snape turnes around and walkes out of the great hall while Lucius takes a seet on the headmasters lap, making little curles in the silvery beard.  
  
Now Snape storms into the great hall. He takes big steps, causing his cloak to wave behind him. Yes, waving, not that fluttering that Lucius' cloak does. Now he steps into the circle of light, lifting his head up to Lucius. His cloak falls around him as if he is a just landed giant eagle. Then, he just looks at Lucius, who is stunned, with those dark, mysterieus and sexy eyes and says, in a most dark voice which turns everyone on. "I, mister Malfoy, can be sexy as well." All girls faint. "Clearly... fame isn't everything."  
  
Lucius starts to cry. "I wanted to be the evil but sexy bastard... But now... The purpose in my life is gone! I am going to kill myself!" He jumps out of a window.  
  
"Well," Ron says. "He may not be georgious, he is dropped dead."  
  
Everyone laughes and Dumbledore gives Snape a Lemondrop.  
  
~End 


	2. Sexy Severus and the video tape

A friend of mine came up with the idea that Hermione should be Snape his sexslave. Well, no way. I don't want it and he doesn't want it. But it gave me an idea. Read and find out. Though I still think part one is better. But please, review!  
  
First: All Harry Potter characters belong to JKR, who does a lovely job and gets paid well. I don't get paid. I don't get any money from my stories.   
  
Anyway, get on with it!  
  
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Sexy sexy Severus  
  
"I want to be your sexslave!" Hermione cried, running into the great hall, falling on her knees in front of the potionsmaster, wearing nothing but a pink thong. She caused some guys to drool, but only the perverted ones. The rest was merely shocked. Pink just wasn't her color.   
  
Severus stood up from the table. "You are not and will never be my sex slave, miss Granger!" he stated. Hermione started to cry and ran off to Ron and Harry who comforted her.   
  
"Why are you so mean to her!" Harry said, tears were filling his eyes.  
  
"Because..." Snape started, his voice dark and low. "She is not my type."  
  
The great hall roared.   
  
"How can't she be your type?" Ron said angerly, his face crimson.   
  
"Because I am!" Lucius stormed into the great hall, his robes still fluttering behind him.   
  
Snape pulled up an eyebrow. The effect was stunning. This made the man even more sexy. "You, Lucius? Are you kidding?"   
  
"Why not?"   
  
"Because you are dead, you jumped out of the window in the previous chapter."  
  
"I wasn't dead, I was resting. Besides, how about last week? Don't you remember?"  
  
Snape sighed. "It was dark, it was the broomcloset and I was drunk. Get over it, Lucius."  
  
Lucius did the talk-to-the-hand-thing. "But you told me I was pretty!"   
  
"I was really really drunk."   
  
Lucius pointed his finger at him. "But if you were, how come you know everything in detail??"   
  
"Because... " Snape said, with a sigh in his deep, dark voice. "Dumbledore taped everything."   
  
The headmaster smiled and his eyes twinkled. "I particularly like the part where you had Lucius..."  
  
"Shall we discuss this later, Albus?" McGonagall interrupted, pointing at the little kids.  
  
"But I allready have my copy!" Colin Creevy chirped, holding a videotape high up in the air. Snape Avada Kedavered the boy and burned the tape.  
  
"No, you don't"   
  
This caused a lot of young kids to cry because the tape was destroyed and they never got the chance to watch it.   
  
"Anyway, let me make one thing clear." Snape said, standing straight, one eyebrow pulled up, his cloak waving behind him although he wasn't walking and there was no wind. It most have been his charisma that made his cloak move. "When the narrator is done describing me, I will continue my story." I am done "Fine. As I said, I wanted to make one thing clear. I am the most sexy man in Hogwarts and no one is allowed to take advantage of that. So all the profits of the videotape go to me! Yes, to me! Now show me the money!"  
  
Dumbledore gave him a big bag galleons. So did Flitwick, who had sold dosens of Sexy Severus Snape Calenders and McGonagall, who had a Severus Snape Pin up company. So now Severus Snape was rich and sexy. All girls sighed. Parvati Patil ran up to the teachers table.   
  
"Marry me, Professor Snape! I want to have your baby!"  
  
"Certainly not! You only want to marry me because I am the richest and sexiest man walking the grounds of Hogwarts."  
  
But then the doors of the great hall bursted open and Legolas came in.   
  
"You are now no longer the most sexy man walking the grounds of Hogwarts!" he stated. All girls nodded in agreement. Legolas was certainly way more sexy.  
  
"Is that so?" Snape asked, while smirking.  
  
"Yes it is."  
  
"Well, mister Greenleave, can you do this?" Snape pulled up an eyebrow and suddenly he seemed the center of the earth. He had the power and the glory and man, he was sexy. Legolas cried. He couldn't do that. He jumped out of the window. Lucius followed him, his robes still fluttering. How the hell could Snape make them wave??   
  
"Blondes." muttered Snape. "I was the richest anyway."  
  
Anyway, Dumbledore gave Snape a Lemondrop and Snape give him a Sexy Severus Snape Calender and everybody was happy.   
  
~ End  
  
Authors note: Legolas is not mine. And if you think Snape isn't sexy? Well, let me say this. THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM! I just wanted to make fun of the man of whom I think he IS sexy. *drools over an Alan Rickman dressed up as Severus 


End file.
